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The worst happened: I turned 30 and was still single

Let's Talk Singleness

March 4, 2018

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“Mom, if I turn thirty and am still single, can we try on wedding dresses for my birthday, because clearly I’m never going to get to otherwise?”


I distinctly remember saying that to my mom in my early twenties.

It may sound a bit dramatic but...ok, it was dramatic. Let’s call a spade a spade.

But the reality was that at that time, I thought that turning 30 would be the end of all my marriage hopes and dreams, and set me on a path of an empty life. So God forbid that I wouldn’t get married before then.

I was so naive in my thinking back then.

Thirty sounded so...well, old. And dear goodness, who couldn’t get themselves married by the time they were 30? What is so wrong with someone that they can’t find a partner by then? Holy moly, how pathetic.

But then it actually happened. TO ME.


I turned 30 and was still (am) single.


And you know what? My mom and I didn’t go try on wedding dresses for my birthday. Instead, we threw a party with everyone I know and love, laughed until we cried, ate good food, and celebrated another year of me being on this earth.


The Worst Happened: I Turned 30 and Was Still Single | Hope in Singleness |


Why? Because in my 30 years, I’ve learned that there are no “be all, end alls” of life. 30 isn’t a show stopper. Life continues beyond it, and hope still remains. I still meet men. I still go on dates (no, seriously). And while yes I do have a cat, I do not feel that it’s time to go adopt a whole shelter of them (although sometimes I want to anyway).

I didn’t feel like I needed to fabricate a reason to try on wedding dresses because I still feel that I might have a real opportunity to do it one day. And I didn’t need to sulk in a corner instead of partying it up because my life has had so much value and adventure despite (or maybe even because of) my singleness.


You see the reality that I’ve found is that everyone is on a different journey.


To say that someone is pathetic, or less, or to pity them, especially for their singleness, is to negate the purpose of their path.

I’m on this road for a reason, and maybe you find yourself walking it alongside me. I can’t tell you why we haven’t met that person yet. I just can’t. But I can tell you there’s potential for a life of abundance along this road, as we live out the purpose of this journey.

Is it the road that I wanted to take? No. I think that's pretty clear from the opening line of this post. And I would be lying to you if I said I don't still find myself wishing and longing for a spouse to come alongside. I'm not trying to sugarcoat my reality.


But I am evidence that while waiting for what we are hoping for, life can be a great, unexpected adventure, if we let it.


Look back through my old posts and you’ll see this theme time and time again. Though I've been single far longer than expected, I’ve done more than I ever thought possible. I’ve taken more chances than I knew I was capable of. And I’ve done more on my own than I ever thought I could, and than I ever thought I wanted to. From living abroad, to running a marathon, to jumping out of an airplane. All things I never thought I would, or could do, especially on my own. I chose not to let my singleness stop me from living a life that I don’t for one second believe is or was “pathetic”, and I truly hope no one pities me for it.


The Worst Happened: I Turned 30 and Was Still Single | Hope in Singleness |


Personally I can tell you that now that I'm older, and my greatest fear came true, the only person that I would now ever pity for being single, is the person who allows their singleness to stop them from seeing life for what it can be. And pity isn’t even the right word. It's more of a burning, aching, uncontrollable desire to want to help them see the light.


So maybe even after reading my story, and me telling you that everything has turned out alright, my story still terrifies you.


Maybe you still worry about turning out like me. Well, honestly I couldn’t blame you, because I would have been thinking the same thing many years ago.

But something that you will one day realize, if you haven’t already, is that no one is handed the exact life circumstances they desire. At some point all of us find ourselves in the less than ideal. Yes, even people who are married (shocking, right?). And we all have a choice of what to make our lives despite it.


I made a choice to not let my singleness limit my life.


And I can tell you my life has turned out to be more than I could have imagined.

And if this is the path that you end up on, I promise that yours can too.

Don’t even bother for one second worrying about it. It is wasted energy, because I can already tell you how things turn out if the “worst” happens.

There will still be hope, and there will be abundant life to be lived, but only if you choose it.

Believe it.


The Worst Happened: I Turned 30 and Was Still Single | Encouragement for the Girl Afraid of Being Single Longer Than Expected | Single Christian | Singleness advice | Singleness Quotes | Single Girl Encouragement |
The Worst Happened: I Turned 30 and Was Still Single | Encouragement for the Girl Afraid of Being Single Longer Than Expected | Single Christian | Singleness advice | Singleness Quotes | Single Girl Encouragement |


The Worst Happened: I Turned 30 and Was Still Single | Hope in Singleness |

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  1. Thank you! I’m just 24 but I find myself wayyyy too often in the comparison trap/agonize our the future trap. I see my friends in their late 20’s/early 30’s with a husband and kids and all I want is that; then I see my same-aged single friends living it up in their go-getter careers and wanderlust inducing travels and bam! all I want is that. I’ve learned two things: one, both are good and neither is better than the other; two, my worthiness as a Beloved daughter is contingent upon neither!

  2. Laura says:

    Thanks so much for reading Alley! I totally know what you mean. And when I was younger and I’d talk about how much I wanted to be married, people would say “oh you have so much time” and I’d think “What?! No I don’t!” But the reality I’ve found is that it’s never too late, and to make the most of whichever life stage you’re in, because like you said, singleness or marriage, neither is better than the other. And I know you have big dreams you’re going after right now, and I hope you’ll use this time of singleness to crush the heck out of them 🙂

  3. […] Fast forward ten years and it would have been next to impossible for me to convince that girl that at 30, we are single and THRIVING. […]

  4. […] God knew that getting married was not going to fulfill me, or bring me the ultimate happiness that I believed that it would. And I truly believe that’s part of the reason He has delayed it. […]

  5. Candice Burger says:

    It can be difficult at times. I was engaged at 23 but things didn’t work out. I am now 32 and am still single and as side from my grandmother who keeps asking when I will find someone and settle down. I am having the time of my life it is all about perspective. I see that I have this time to work on myself and make myself the very best I can be for the man God has set aside for me. I am also greatful for my singleness as it has allowed me to be there for my family in a way that I would not have been able to if I was married with a family

  6. Laura says:

    Love your perspective and that you’re having the time of your life!!

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