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God doesn’t care about our love stories.
This is something that I truly believed for many years, and it was based on nothing other than the fact that I was single.
I was disappointed, and I was stubborn. No matter how many verses I read about the character of God, how He cares for us, or that He wants good things for us, not a single part of me was willing to believe that He had any concern at all for my love life.
Because I was single, clearly God did not care.
Years later, I’m still single, and more than ever you would think that I have proof that this is a part of our lives that God couldn’t possibly care less about.
But you’re wrong.
In fact, I am more convinced than ever that God cares about our love stories, truly and deeply.
I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. And even though I’m still single, I don’t doubt it.
And here’s why:
1. God has never let me settle, even when I’ve tried:
I know what you're thinking. "Why would anyone TRY to settle?"
Well, if your story is anything like mine, you've probably heard the "No one is perfect, and maybe you're too picky" line about a hundred too many times. I've heard it so many times in fact that I started dating the guys that I thought checked enough of the boxes, simply for the sake of not being labeled "too picky" (terrible plan, by the way). And even though I wasn’t entirely happy, I figured “Well, maybe this is as good as it gets.” So I stayed.
But God has never let me settle. In fact, He has flat out refused it.
He refuses it in a loud booming voice that manifests itself as a feeling I cannot ignore.
It starts off as a twinge. A gut feeling that says “Something might be off.” Then the feeling grows with each time that I try to turn a blind eye to something I know that I can not live with for the rest of my life. Eventually, that small twinge evolves into a full blown ache that consumes and overwhelms.
I have finally come to realize this has been God’s way of saying “No. Get out. You’re meant for more.”
And He says it louder, and louder, until I can no longer drown it out. He fights for my attention to be turned toward the better things He has in store, and for that I am forever grateful.
2. God has vastly changed my view of myself, and of marriage:
I used to think that I needed to be with a husband to be complete.
I believed that the day that I got married, I truly would have made it, and that’s why I was insistent on making it happen at all costs, even at the cost of my happiness.
But God had different plans. Wildly different plans. Instead, he’s spent the last ten years poking and prodding me. Putting me in uncomfortable situations that have stretched me farther than I knew was possible. I’ve grown life-giving friendships, left pieces of my heart in countries I never anticipated setting foot in, done things on my own that I never pictured doing at all, and ultimately it has all helped me to believe more strongly in Him, as well as in myself.
Because of that, my view of marriage is now less about completion, and more about companionship and growing together.
I no longer feel that I need to be married to be whole, but instead want to get married to have someone simply to share this life with.
He’s been preparing me, so that when or if it does happen, instead of being disappointed by what marriage is not, I will be more able to delight in all that it is.
3. In changing me, God has drastically changed who I am looking for (for the better!):
The person that I was looking for ten years ago, is not the same person that I am looking for now. In transforming me, God has also transformed who I am looking for.
When my only goal and plan was to get married and settle down, I was looking for someone who felt the same. Someone who wanted a simple, quiet life, with a house in the suburbs and a couple of kids. And while there wouldn’t have been and isn’t anything wrong with that life (at all!), I’ve become a different person.
God has shaped me into someone I never pictured. A more confident, ambitious, adventurous, and passionate person than I ever planned to be, who is now too restless for the quiet life in the suburbs, and isn’t even entirely certain she wants to have kids. And because of that? I am now looking for someone who mirrors and compliments the girl that I’ve become. The girl that I never expected to be.
I can be confident that the person that God has planned for me is far beyond my wildest dreams, because the person he’s made me is far beyond anything I could have pictured.
So how can I say that God does not care?
A God who has never let me settle, is preparing me for a healthier marriage, and who I am confident has a better person in store for me than I had for myself?
If we are willing to step back from our stubbornness, we can see that undeniably, God cares about our love stories because He cares about us, and He doesn’t want us to settle for anything less than His perfect plan. I am confident that in my life and yours, there is no doubt about that.
He’s shaping our hearts and our lives, and carrying us toward all that we were created to be. In doing so, He’s also preparing us for a love story He’s already written, and while it might be a slightly longer read than we had planned, I know the ending will be far better than we could have ever dreamed or imagined.
After all, the God of love is writing the story. What better author could there be?