“I am behind”

Oh, how often I’ve thought this.

Behind in my job. On my dreams. In my relationship status.

We begin to internalize this belief from a young age.

Our childhood is spent following much the same path as those around us, so much so that when the paths begin to diverge, our natural instinct is to feel that somehow, in some way, some or all of us are now behind. No longer fitting the mold. Lacking, and lagging.

Recently, though, I was thinking about my friend Beverly.

You may remember that a few months ago I had mentioned seeing her at church. A lovely, eighty-something year old woman, never married, who allowed me to interview her for my first blog.

I found myself thinking, “Would anyone really say that an 86 year old woman, who bought her own house (in cash), served other people, and had a thriving career she loved, was behind her entire life simply because she never married?”

Then on Sunday, I found out that Miss Beverly had passed away, and it brought these thoughts perfectly into view.

The answer is no. No one in this moment is thinking about all that this sweet woman didn’t do, or didn’t do “on time”, according to the standards of our culture. No one would dare say that with all she did in her life, she was lacking, or had never quite “caught up”. Beverly’s path was different, but it was her own, and it mattered to those around her, myself included.

In the few times that we met, she never made me feel as though my dream of marriage was silly or invalid. Quite the opposite, really. But she also showed me that it wasn’t a requirement to live a full life, and simply by me writing this now, she showed me that we all have something to contribute, no matter our life circumstances, and no matter if our lives don’t look the same as those around us.

Friends, though we may feel that our path looks different, God sees only the path as he intended it to be.

Not late, not early, not different, not wrong. Just ours, for Him.

This is a truth Beverly always prayed that I would believe, and though you never knew her, I feel that I can confidently say she would have prayed the same for you, too.

You can read my original interview with Beverly here and other recent reflections on our conversation here .