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I’m not going to lie to you (the name of the blog would be pretty useless if I did, huh?).
I never wanted to be single and happy.
In fact, being single and happy sounded like just about the worst thing that could happen to my single self.
In my opinion, the only positive outcome for my singleness was to find a man. If that wasn’t going to happen, I was voluntarily going to be an eternal guest at my own pity party.
I distinctly remember when I began to notice women who were happy and single.
Honestly at the time, I think rather than being inspired by them, I wanted to throw up in my mouth a little bit at the thought. The happy part was attractive to me, but being happy and SINGLE? Come on. These were a different breed of women. And clearly, they had given up on finding a man.
That was what I truly believed.
I thought something was WRONG with women who were happy and single.
And that’s not the only misconception that I had.
So, today I want to bust three myths that our society has created around being single and happy, from a girl who went from a total myth-believer and skeptic, to a happy-and-single gal herself.
So let’s get to myth-busting:
Myth #1: Women who are single and happy don’t want a relationship, or have given up on finding one.
This is a common misconception about single and happy women. It’s as if because a woman has chosen to make the most of her life and enjoy where she’s at, she must have given up on what she had hoped for. We believe that if she truly wanted a relationship, she’d be desperately looking for it, not focusing so much of her energies on her own happiness.
But the truth is, that finding happiness in your current situation doesn’t diminish your desire for a future situation.
It may, however, diminish the desperation to get out of your current circumstance, which I think we can all agree is a welcome relief.
Personally, I can say that in the last several years as I’ve really been pushing myself to thrive as a single, I no longer feel like I need to look at every guy who walks through the door as a potential mate (although I do still look at every new guy who walks through the church doors this way; don’t tell me you don’t single, Christian women).
But I do still want and am looking for a relationship. The difference is that I no longer feel that I so desperately need one, which I think is what people can misinterpret at times as giving up.
But women who are happy and single haven’t given up on being in a relationship. They’ve given up wasting another day of their God-given life being miserable about not being in one. They’re choosing to love their lives in the waiting.
Myth #2 Women who are single and happy are wired differently, so being single and happy comes naturally to them.
This simply isn’t true.
This is probably the myth that I believed most as a single-and-desperately-unhappy person.
I genuinely believed that if you were single and happy, you must have always been that way. You probably never really wanted to get married that badly, and you’ve always been fiercely independent. And so being single and happy has probably come pretty naturally to you.
I’ll say it again…NOPE.
Sure, there are women who have never had as much of an interest in marriage, and women who have maybe always tended to be more independent. But the majority of us have had to learn to be happy and single.
For me personally, it has definitely never come naturally. In fact, if you’ve read any of my posts before this one, you know that what came naturally to me is that pity party I mentioned earlier.
To learn to be happy and single is sometimes actually a fight against what comes naturally.
It’s a battle against our own disappointment, and instinct to hold ourselves back when our lives aren’t what we hoped for.
Women who are single and happy aren’t a special breed. They’re a special tribe of strong women who have chosen to learn to not let their circumstances hold them back.
Myth #3 If you’re single and happy, your standards for a man are probably too high.
This one is so twisted that it’s hard for me to even explain. But there exists this thought that women who are single and happy, are single, and maybe always will be, because they expect too much. As if because they’ve learned to be happy on their own, instead of desperately wanting to snatch up any and every guy who will look their way, their standards for a man must be too high.
There is some truth here, but like I said, we’ve gotten it twisted.
It’s not that the standards are too high. It’s that women who are single and happy, tend to have higher standards than women who would take any man with the hope that he would finally make her happy.
(I would know. I used to be that girl!)
When we’re single and desperately unhappy, we will take almost anyone because they add something, anything to a life we’re not enjoying. (Sidebar: Um hi, this is called settling. And us single ladies are doing way too much of it today.)
Women who are single and happy are on a journey to build a life they love. Maybe it isn’t perfect or exactly what they had hoped for, but they’re choosing to do the work to create a life of happiness despite their circumstances, and they aren’t going to bring just any Joe Shmo into it.
This leads me to one important belief people have about being single and happy.
It’s actually the only belief that I’ve heard that is 100% accurate, and I’ll proudly own it all day long as a single lady.
Here it is:
Truth: Women who are happy and single are single by choice.
You’re darn, stinkin’ right.
I assure you that any woman who is single and happy could find someone. But the reality is, she doesn’t just want someone. She wants the right someone. Like I said above, she has higher standards that won’t allow her to settle because she’s created a life where someone needs to be worthy enough to be brought into it.
And I would argue that’s the most empowering part of finding happiness while single. To want to wait for the right someone, so that one day our happy and single, can turn into happy and taken, all while enjoying the ride along the way.
So to my sweet, single-and-happy tribe, I salute you.
I know the journey you’re on, and the journey you’ve been on. I know you’re still looking, and the late-night talks you have with God about the desire of your heart. And I know about the guys you’ve let go because they just weren’t quite it, even when you wanted them to be.
But I also know how strong and courageous you are. You’ve chosen this life when you could have settled for less. And you know that’s the truth.
I assure you that everything else is just a myth.